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shoppaholic45
15th December 2007, 20:34
When you are with your oh how do you deal with it if you are having a converstion and you get worked up, and its not your oh fault its yours. I was going on to my oh about something and got myself worked up and ended up saying something hurful which i didnt mean and walked off and went up upstairs. I know that was a childish thing to do and i wish i hadn't said it. I never meant to hurt him. We are ok and it blew over in a couple of minutes, he held me while i cried, don't know whats wrong with me today. We never argue and he is laid back, much more than me.

M3chanical_animal
15th December 2007, 20:40
I always think thats if you can feel yourself getting worked up the worst thing you can do is keep thinking about it in your head as you get more and more wound up.

When you feel yourself starting to get a bit hot under the collar then go and do something that means you need to concerntrate really hard - you'll spend so much time thinking about what you are doing rather than what your wound up about that it will blow over without you even realising.

Your OH sounds really understanding tho but dont forget that everyone has their off days - just make sure you approach him tomorrow and let him know that you really didn't mean what you said, you were having a bad day and you really want him to know your sorry.

It's hard trying to curb your own reactions, just more important to identify when you feel your getting close to snapping :)

sullieb
15th December 2007, 20:43
Sorry to hear you are not feeling yourself today hun but if you really want my honest opinion, men don't tend to really hold grudges. If my OH and me have a tiff and he says anything really hurtful then unfortunately, I never forget what he has said and it is soul destroying but as far as my OH is concerned once it is over with it isn't worth mentioning again so as long as you have apologised I think that it will truly be finished for your OH.

Hugs all round!

shoppaholic45
15th December 2007, 20:59
thank you m3, boo and sullieb for you support and help it means a lot to me, i will try to go and do something else when i can feel myself getting wound up. I really don't like feeling like this

pammy
15th December 2007, 21:33
Sorry to hear you are not feeling yourself today hun but if you really want my honest opinion, men don't tend to really hold grudges. If my OH and me have a tiff and he says anything really hurtful then unfortunately, I never forget what he has said and it is soul destroying but as far as my OH is concerned once it is over with it isn't worth mentioning again so as long as you have apologised I think that it will truly be finished for your OH.

Hugs all round!


that is so true! I always will remember every hurtful thing that has been said to me in years to come :( but it used to annoy me after we had had an argument how he got over it so quick and it was still deep in the back of my mind for days!
blokes just dont sit and dwell on things like we do, they just know when we are getting het up about something and normally duck out the way to avoid confrontation.
im sure your lovely OH understands that you are having an off day. I used to get so worked up that I would go and sit in another room and then get worked up that he hadnt come to see what was wrong :o
Men just cant win whatever they do hehe!
now I know why I am still single!!!

WELSH-DRAGON
15th December 2007, 23:53
OP I can sympathise, especially during my PMT time I get very irritated by silly things - I hope your feeling better

I said some hurtful things to OH recently and it got to the stage where he had his bag packed .......... the stress of the builders, the ?5k repair bill to fix what the builder has messed up, work, lack of sleep, money concerns etc one night I just exploded. I was horrible to him but we talked through it

and this week just gone we both took a day off work just to spend some time together, we went out for a meal, and he did little things like carry my bags for me and open doors and it just made me realise that all this bad feeling wasn't doing us any good and now together we are working out a solution to the building probs etc.

Welshy x

artydoll
16th December 2007, 14:00
When my OH argues with me ,he just stops talking to me.
This can go on for many weeks .
He has done this all through our 40 odd years of marriage .
He talks when there is someone else present in the room ,but then clamps shut when they leave .
He is at it at present ,and I am dreading Christmas this year .
Any ideas to shake him out of it ? WE are both in our 60s.

M3chanical_animal
16th December 2007, 14:06
artydoll - if he wont talk to you could you write him a letter explaining that you really want to have a special xmas this year and explain how you feel - he could then read it in his own time and hopefully understand what he is doing is upsetting you.

Hope you get it sorted :hug:

sullieb
16th December 2007, 14:09
Poor you hun, is it a case of he point blankly ignores you when you ask him a question or something or is it more that he won't have a conversation with you?

What are your plans for Christmas? Are you having family around or going out or will it just be the two of you?

tiger
16th December 2007, 14:15
I'm not sure what to advise Arty. When DH and I argue it's usually quite brief and fogotten quickly. He does annoy me though in not actually saying sorry. He sort of shows he is but doesn't say it.

I think I would be tempted to say to your DH that there is no point in celebrating Christmas together if he is going to continue not speaking to you. Ask him what you can do to make things better and if he doesn't snap out his mood then tell him Christmas is cancelled at your house and see if you can get invited to a friend or relative for your Christmas dinner. If he has to fend for himself he might appreciate you more.

M3chanical_animal
16th December 2007, 14:42
I think thats great advice Tiger.

Even if Xmas is cancelled in your house you won't be alone as we'll celebrate it on here with you arty :)

rainbow
16th December 2007, 14:47
Artydoll, I think that is very good advice from both M3 and tiger. You could maybe combine the two ideas if you can't talk to him about it or he won't listen. Hope you get it sorted so you can both enjoy Christmas. No point in both of you being miserable because of his stubborness, and he's probably waiting for you to make the move to put things right even though it's his own doing. Pride is a terrible thing!

shoppaholic45
16th December 2007, 15:54
thank you welsh, im feeling down today, think its cause i haven't sat in front of my sad lamp long enough, so am sat in front of it now. Me and my oh sorted it out very quickly and are good. Artydoll i too think that its good advice from m3 and tigger

artydoll
17th December 2007, 14:10
Poor you hun, is it a case of he point blankly ignores you when you ask him a question or something or is it more that he won't have a conversation with you?

What are your plans for Christmas? Are you having family around or going out or will it just be the two of you?


He just ignores me,as if I dont even exist.

sullieb
17th December 2007, 21:40
He just ignores me,as if I dont even exist.

Well I'm afraid that if that is how he acts, I would give him exactly that, I wouldn't exist! I would take myself of to family or friends for Christmas Day or even spend it at a Homeless Shelter helping out, I would leave him sitting in the house on his own with no cooked dinner or any pressies to open. Let him be a miserable old man!

P.S I'll set an extra place for you around my house :D.

Cookie Monster
17th December 2007, 22:19
Shoppoholic, I hope you are feeling better.................... I think that women in general tend to 'loose it' more than men (it's probably to do with our hormones!!)

Arty, I hope you and hubby make up soon, life is too short to bear grudges. Writing a letter is a great idea, it gives you time to choose your words carefully so you get your point across calmly. Also, I don't see why you should miss out on Christmas day........... go and party with those who are 'christmassy!!'

sparkles123
17th December 2007, 23:48
He just ignores me,as if I dont even exist.

:hug: That made me feel so sad.

Artydoll, what are your plans for Christmas?

Unintended Muse
18th December 2007, 00:30
Awww.. Artydoll.. I don't know what to say other than echo Sparkles123 sentiments..

Make your own plans hun.. leave him to sulk alone and you be among people who can enjoy Xmas.. xx